by Kayleigh Roberts and Christine Harris
Imagine building a wall. This wall is not meant to solve a problem, nor to bring people together. Imagine creating a wall out of your pain, resentment, anger, and frustration. The wall casts a shadow of blame. The shadow can be directed outward or inward. The shade blocks you from seeing what is going on, trapping the viewer in a state of distraction. This wall of blame may feel righteous or compelling, yet it hinders the ability to see clearly or resolve the situation.
Blame deflects from the topic at hand. It shifts feelings of shame and guilt onto ourselves and others while building resentment, anger, and frustration within ourselves.
Let Go of Blame.
Focus on yourself, what you can do, what will make your life better, and ways you can prepare to meet the challenge. What will benefit your environment, health, mood, and wellbeing? Focus on the best ways to move forward. Accept your feelings by sitting with them and allowing yourself to be vulnerable so that you can get to the core issue of the challenge.
Blame Culture has been prevalent throughout our lives. Children deflect blame to avoid consequence. Conspiracy theories offer up grand schemes to blame for events outside of our immediate control. World leaders deflect blame to defend themselves from public scrutiny. Blame destroys opportunities for self-reflection. We blame ourselves for situations outside of our responsibility in order to feel as if we are in control. What all of these ‘blames’ have in common is they fail to resolve or improve our problems; they merely distract us from forming solutions. Blame distances us from taking charge of what we are able to control.
Blame the Pandemic - Accept What is Outside of Your Control.
Accept that the world is different; not bad, not broken, but it has changed. The world is the same as it ever was, in that we must adapt with the changing times.We’ve been socialized to identify ourselves by our job title. Even though this is a cultural norm, this is a simplistic, shallow means of defining someone. The consequence of the pandemic has created far reaching changes in all our lives. Losing jobs, housing, school, institutions, routines, daily interactions, physical connections, and our ‘normal’ way of life are momentous challenges presented to us. It’s important to be gentle with yourself, and not to put yourself down for situations outside of your control.
Encourage Positive Changes.
Many of us feel betrayed by the pandemic. Our institutions have failed us. Trusted systems we relied on are no longer accommodating our needs. Existing problems and deficiencies in healthcare, mental healthcare, education, affordable housing, and access to resources are exacerbated to levels that can no longer be overlooked. In light of failures in these systems, we are also seeing public outcry for improvement, calls for reallocating funding towards social workers, communities creating autonomous networks to help, and neighbors helping neighbors. Now is a great time to practice gratitude towards community, neighbors, and each other. It’s okay to let go of what is no longer serving you.
How Do You Identify?
The media we consume may encourage us to feel negatively towards anyone who doesn’t fit their mold. Now is the best time to reject these outrageous and destructive notions. Question your own judgements, and figure out if they are still true for you. What do you find acceptable? What do you reject about yourself or others? Can you find any ways that what you reject is helpful or positive either in the past or in the present?
You Have the Power to Be Exactly Who You Are.
We define who we are. You are not your occupation. You are not the brand of clothes you wear. This is the first time in our living history that our work and educational institutions stopped in a short period of time with a widespread, worldwide effect. It’s okay to feel embarrassed, lost, or have no idea what to do. Many of us feel completely uprooted from our institutionalized routines, social routines, and daily rituals. Luckily, it’s the perfect opportunity to find out what you want out of life, what you want out of a job, what brings you joy, and to create your own purpose in life. It’s the time to experiment, to learn, to try something new that you didn't imagine in your ‘old world.’ Get curious. What do you want out of a job, out of a relationship, out of your habitat, out of yourself? Now is the time to set boundaries, and redefine yourself.
Bring Your Attention Back to Yourself.
The pandemic happened. Now what? You are allowed to grieve anything you miss or feel you lost through the pandemic. It’s important to sit with your feelings; allow them to wash over you. Allow yourself to learn from your emotions. See what is important to you. What do you want to bring with you, and what do you want to let go? Only you can decide how you want to move forward.
Build Your Strength
Pull out your journal and make lists of your priorities. It can be several different lists: self-care, passions, responsibilities, lists of important people and animals in your life, daily routines, what makes you feel alive, what makes you feel relaxed, what makes you feel connected. Choose what resonates with you and helps you feel connected. Make a list of what works for you and perhaps post it in your room or on your phone. You can create a playlist of music or activity videos to motivate you to connect with these activities. Make more fun for yourself!
