Finding Calm in the Storm: Techniques to Self-Regulate Anxious Mood

By Christine Harris

Life today moves fast, demanding more and more from us. It's no wonder anxiety has become a common struggle, with over 40 million American adults battling anxiety disorders. However, even non-clinical anxiety that builds throughout stressful days can accumulate and feel overwhelming.

When you notice anxious feelings arising, there are effective ways to self-soothe instead of being swept away in the currents. Techniques from psychotherapy approaches like Focusing Oriented Psychotherapy, Autogenic Relaxation Training, and Dialectical Behavior Therapy can help you get grounded and shift out of anxiety. With practice, you can learn to relax amidst anxious moments.

Tune Into Your Body

Focusing Oriented Psychotherapy teaches that tuning into subtle body sensations can help calm rising anxiety. When you feel anxious, take deep breaths and scan your body without judging it. Notice any tension or unease. Pay special attention to your stomach area, chest, shoulders and face, common places tension lodges. As you breathe and focus non-judgmentally on sensations, they may shift or release. This returns your nervous system to homeostasis. 

Imagine a Healing Safe Place

Imagery techniques from Autogenic Relaxation Training also release anxiety. If you feel rising panic, anxiety or muscle tension, imagine lying in a calm, quiet, safe place. Envision somewhere you feel peaceful: a beach, meadow, or even your own bed. Feel the supportive surface enveloping your body. Notice any tension melting away. Allow your senses to be immersed in this safe place - the sounds, smells, temperature. Let this vivid scene bathe your nerves in restful sensations.

Practicing Autogenic Relaxation audio recording once or twice a day for three weeks will train your autonomic nervous system to go into a relaxed state within 30 seconds when you use the technique!  Listen to the recording here.  It’s less than 13 minutes long! 

Observe Thoughts Without Judgment

Dialectical Behavior Therapy highlights how judgmental thinking worsens anxiety. Catch yourself assessing a situation negatively, and anxiety can heighten. Instead, neutralize anxious thoughts through nonjudgmental observation. Notice thoughts arising without labeling them good or bad. Imagine thoughts drifting past like clouds. This separates you from them rather than fueling them. Say “I notice myself having the thought that I am in danger. This is just a thought rather than a fact.” This self-talk through observation defuses anxiety.

Over time, regularly using such techniques rewires your nervous system to have a greater sense of control over anxiety. You realize you can self-soothe and shift your state using your own skills. You don’t have to be swept away in fight-or-flight reactivity. There are always tools available to cultivate your inner calm.

Build Your Strength

- Establish routines: Structure helps manage worry and uncertainty. Follow daily routines for meals, sleep, work and exercise. 

- Limit stimulant intake: Caffeine and excessive digital input heighten nerves.

- Use relaxation skills daily: Don’t just use them when anxious. Do deep breathing, stretch, meditate daily to stay grounded.

- Connect with others: Isolation worsens anxiety. Bond with supportive people through shared activities.

- Identify triggers: Notice situations that commonly spark your anxiety so you can better prepare. 

- Keep perspective: When anxieties arise, ask yourself, “What is the likelihood this worry will actually happen? What’s the worst case scenario and could I cope with that?” This squashes irrational fears.

You have more power than you think over anxiety. By regularly using techniques that work with your nervous system, body and thought patterns, you build self-regulating skills to rely on when you need soothing. You don’t have to allow anxiety to overwhelm you. Think of it as an invitation to care for yourself. Let it remind you to tap into your inner calm every day.

Assisted by Claude.AI

The Expectations Trap

by Kaylei Roberts and Christine Harris

Edited by Lacey Lindsey 

“You can plan a pretty picnic, but you can’t predict the weather.”

— Outcast

Expectations are what we think should happen and they can get us into some serious trouble. Expectations are rarely the reality. Fantasies of a “perfect” world that is controlled by what you perceive as fair and ideal will predictably leave us drained and dissatisfied.

Nothing should happen. The real world is more complicated than our preconceived notions. Everyone is faced with challenges and injustices and while we cannot control what happens, we can change how we react to them. We can grow and learn better ways to cope and make beneficial changes in our life.

Wanting is a form of waiting for nothing to happen 

Wanting will not give us what we want. Why cling to the misery of expectations? What is keeping you from letting go of expectations that realistically will only deplete your energy? Because we think we need x, y, and z, we may believe that they must materialize for us. That isn’t the case. Needing something does not make it happen. Wanting something does not  bring it closer to happening. Some things are outside of your control. Accept that you do not need to control situations or other people. Your job is to deal with the situation at hand and decide better ways to interact, engage, accept, or move on from situations and people.

Perspective changes everything

It is not helpful to:

• Pretend things are not happening. 

• Beat yourself up or tear yourself down for feeling the way you feel.

• Push through and overextend yourself.

• Wallow in self-pity or self-hatred.

Instead, you can: 

• Accept the current situation. This is what is happening. 

• Ask yourself - What can I do from here? Can I call and let people know I am unable to attend? Can I do anything beneficial on my end from here?

• Be grateful for what you have. Stop focusing on what you want and take advantage of all that you have. There are many things to appreciate in your life, no matter how small. 

• Cry and allow yourself to be in the moment with how you are feeling without judgement. 

• Have empathy, understanding, and compassion for yourself.

Reframing your expectations for yourself

We all want to be the most fabulous, infallible, ideal versions of ourselves. When we see ourselves as we’d like to be, we fail to accept ourselves for who we are in the current moment. It’s important to be considerate and compassionate towards yourself. Feelings of guilt, shame, embarrassment, disappointment, and anger arise when we don’t meet the expectations and ideals for ourselves. If we love and accept ourselves as we are now, for all of our flaws, and with all of the baggage, we can heal. We can grow. We can let go of the fear, denial, and self-hate that holds us back from our goals.

The world is more enjoyable when we accept ourselves and others for who they are as unique, complex, and chaotic networks. When we accept things as they are, we have more power to work with ourselves and make the world more fantastic.

Reframing your expectations for others 

The same can be said for relationships, friendships, marriages, and our expectations for ourselves. Because we think we need x, y, and z, we may believe that they must materialise for us. That isn’t the case. Needing something does not make it happen. Wanting something does not  bring it closer to happening. 

Expectations can change all of our interactions. When we assume that people will drive politely, predictably, and follow the rules of the road, we ensure disappointment. Expecting everyone to be a good driver increases the chances for road rage and traffic incidents. It’s better to accept drivers as they are, and modify how we drive around the conditions of the road. Yes, it may seem grand if people did what we think they are supposed to do, but that is not human nature. We need to drop expectations and realize expectations conflict with reality. Honking and screaming at other drivers will not change their behaviour. Road rage will not help us arrive at our destination sooner or make us feel better.

Value others’ rights to make decisions

It can be very hard when people continually make decisions you do not agree with, especially when they prove to be destructive. It’s important to realise that you are only responsible for your own actions. What other people do is up to them. You get to choose how and if you want to continue to interact with them, and to what extent. Accepting them for who they are and respecting their choices, even if you don’t agree with their choices is vital to maintaining healthy relationships.

Setting Boundaries

When we voice our actual expectations upfront, we can avoid creating ongoing distrust and conflict in the future. When we see our expectations are not being met or are unreasonable, we can adjust our expectations to something more realistic or drop them altogether. 

When everyone is honest and upfront with their expectations we have the opportunity to say no to what we do not consent to or negotiate feasible alternatives. However, it is unreasonable to expect everyone will be honest and upfront with their expectations. Most people aren’t aware of their own expectations or what is expected of them. We can adjust expectations based on what happens and modify our behaviour.

“Expectations were like fine pottery. The harder you held them, the more likely they were to crack.”

— Brandon Sanderson

Build Your Strength 

See if you can identify places in your life where you are let down because you assume something will happen. Does holding on to that belief help you? How do you think things would be if you let go of that belief?

Make a To-Do list:
Ask yourself:

Is it realistic?
Is it possible to accomplish all of these things in one day?
Is it compassionate?
Does it give you space to rest and take care of yourself?

It’s important to show up for yourself, check in with yourself, and set reasonable goals. You can adjust your daily To-Do list by removing items that are purely idealistic or excessive. If a To-Do list isn’t do-able in a day it can create disappointment and detract from your ability to focus on what you can accomplish. A way to practice self compassion is to remember that you are only human with limitations on your time and energy. Adding enjoyable self-care exercises and time for breaks provides balance and compassion. 

7 Strategies for Wellbeing: A Guide for Addressing the COVID-19 Outbreak One Year Later

By Kayleigh Roberts and Christine Harris

We all respond differently to crises. After nearly a year, we are all continuing to adapt to challenges and changes caused by Covid-19. Most of us are still experimenting with ways to cope with feelings on loneliness, security, connection to community, obligations, isolation, and privacy that have been presented to us throughout the pandemic. These uncomfortable feelings are completely normal. Coping with changes and workarounds due to the pandemic presents us with new challenges. Know you’re not alone. We’re all connected and in this together.

1. Understand & Accept Challenging Emotions.

Understand there are countless normal emotional responses to a crisis. Try to be compassionate and accepting of yourself and others.

• Fear: Are my loved ones safe and following CDC & WHO precautions? Will we get through this alright? 

• Anger: Why aren’t they taking this seriously? How can that person possibly justify handling this that way? People just don’t understand what others are going through!

• Confusion and Frustration: What am I supposed to do now? Where are we going to live? How can I get out and have fun and still be safe? 

• Guilt and Self-Blame: I need to take extra safety precautions, and I feel guilty that this is affecting my responsibilities. I’m not as in control of my emotions and reactions as I’d like to be right now. I should have had a better plan.

• Shame and Humiliation: I compare myself to peers online who are thriving, and I’m embarrassed to admit that I am struggling. I feel humiliated because I’m not sure how I will maintain financially under these circumstances. I’m embarrassed to say that I’m weary of going back to my normal life. Covid has been going on for almost a year, and I still have no idea what to do.

• Sorrow and Grief: I miss going out, meeting people, and having gatherings. I miss my routine, my neighborhood, and my community. It’s not the same here, and I miss my usual comforts and conveniences.

Keeping our focus on the present is essential because we can neither change the past nor (accurately) predict the future. It’s easy to be swept up in worry, panic, negativity, and predict the worst.  In reality we have no way of predicting what challenges and opportunities await. It’s essential to focus on how to make the best of the situation right now and treat ourselves and those around us with love, respect, patience, and understanding.

2. Maintain Boundaries.
It is important for our health to maintain boundaries. People may expect you to be present and quick to jump into action since they themselves are experiencing difficult changes. In order to have the energy to accommodate others, we must first take care of ourselves.

• Be clear and direct. Saying no and letting others know if you are unable to attend or assist shows both self and mutual respect. 

• Auto Responses are great because they allow you to conserve your energy and connect others to resources, while setting boundaries. Who doesn’t love passive work?  “I am typically available between the hours of X and Y, London time. Please allow at least 48 hours for me to get back to you. For an emergency outside of those hours, please contact CONTACT NAME and INFORMATION. Thank you for your understanding as I find ways to balance my obligations during this unique time.”

• Schedule blocks of time for self-care like going for a stroll, catching up with friends, light exercise, reading a book for pleasure, taking a relaxing bath, or meditation, so you can check in with yourself with no interruption as well as block off time for your other responsibilities.

• Ask for help or work on errands together. Feel free to let those relying on you know ways they can help you help them as well. Communication helps us find mutually beneficial ways to participate.

3. Establish a Routine.

Routines provide structure and a sense of safety, which is important for our physical, emotional, and mental health. These kinds of crises can make us feel unmotivated or powerless, but a routine helps us keep focused and feel like we are in control. Invite the household to contribute to the creation of a daily schedule with fun time, family time, and self-care!

• Hand-washing Mantras like: “I show love and respect to myself and others through small, intentional acts.” “I release and cleanse myself of what I do not need or can not control. I am free from the burden of unnecessary fears and anxieties.” Since we are frequently washing our hands for at least 20 seconds, we may as well reaffirm a commitment to ourselves, our spirit, and our well-being.

• We can create mindful activities around simple tasks to bring our habits into awareness as we try to avoid touching our faces.

4. Light Exercise.

• Maintaining light exercise is important to keep our body fit and moving.

• Have and boost your mood. We all need more play and movement in our lives. Exercising raises our spirits and makes us feel better.

• Youtube is one of many great resources. It’s easy to find Tai Chi, yoga, stretching, and all types of exercises curated to fit your needs. You can even make a playlist of your favorites to keep track of your progress and connect others with fun dance moves.

• Buddy systems can be particularly motivating whether you have a dance party with your household or exercising together from different locations. Try to keep each other accountable to meeting exercise goals. Seek mutual support to cheer each other onto positive routines.

• Consistency is key, don’t overdo it. This will look different depending on you and your body. It may be 15 minutes twice a day or it may be maintaining your normal walking routine even though you are staying home.

• Reach for resistance in your workout, but stop before you feel new pain. 

5. Be Intentional about your News and Social Media Use.

• Set an intention for what you want to accomplish from your experience and how much time you will dedicate. Set a timer and reflect on your intention and experience. I am going to spend 15 minutes on Tumblr looking at adorable animal gifs. My intention is to cheer myself up and unwind.

• Pay attention to your feelings as you scroll through social media, your phone, news, or TV. How are you feeling? If you find yourself regularly getting angry, upset, or losing energy, it’s time to set a time limit or boundary to distance yourself from what is not serving you. Step back and focus on immediate issues that will better your life in the present like donating a stack of books and clothes you are not using that are cluttering up your space.

• Avoid comparing yourself to others. We have no way of knowing the full story of what someone else is truly experiencing and the well-manicured lens of social media can lend a distorted view, both positive and negative.

• Taking a few hours offline to unplug for morning routines and night routines can be a helpful way to reduce stress. Waking up and stretching will make for a better start of the day than waking up to check the news.

• There are apps to keep you on track with managing social media to track or block time for you to stay focused on your goals.

6. Practice Self-Awareness.

• Use Daily Journal Prompts to build your self-awareness like: 

  • How am I feeling today?

  • What do I appreciate/ am I grateful for today?

  • What did I learn today that will help me be a better person/friend/colleague/flatmate?

  • An emotion I experienced today was..., when ... , and I felt this way because…

  • One thing that inspired me today was…

  • What didn’t work out the way I wanted/expected? What can I learn from that experience?

  • One thing I learned about myself today is…

• Join a Peer Support Community for coping with Covid 19, or other challenges you may be facing.

• Weekly check-in sessions: Identify someone you trust who has a constructive point of view and a healthy emotional intelligence. This may be a friend, family member, therapist, or community leader. Make a plan to meet (virtually) once a week to discuss what this crisis is teaching you about yourself, your dynamics with other people, and your community.

7. Connect.

People around the world are presented with new challenges of loneliness and isolation while social distancing and quarantining. We need to be proactive and take extra precaution to take care by both following health guidelines and staying connected for our emotional well-being. 

• Adapt your space to fit your needs. Clear out any items you don’t need; they are holding you back. Donating items that are no longer improving your life may improve someone else’s life, and decluttering will allow you to create a more functional intentional living space.

• Seek online community groups. WeChat, Facebook, Discord, WhatsApp, and other sites have groups specifically for coping with the pandemic.

• Limit time with draining individuals. We have a limited amount of energy and we need to spend it wisely to avoid burnout. If you regularly find yourself feeling mentally or emotionally exhausted from interacting with someone, it’s time to form healthy boundaries.

• Be mindful of venting. Whether you are on the venting or receiving end, there are healthy ways to express yourself. Keep in mind how you are feeling. We need to distance ourselves from this activity when it is not serving us. Are we venting to bond, decrease in our stress levels, learn/express perspectives, seek solutions, or just to vent? If venting is not helping, use your emotions to take action and instead contact your representatives, seek help, or strategies to better your life. Take 3 deep breaths and ask yourself:

  • Do I need to complain right now, or is there a better action or activity for this moment?

  • What do I hope to get out of this conversation? Solutions? Understanding? Sympathy? Bonding? (Share your intention with your friend, family, or therapist before you vent).

• Reconnecting with those we care about helps to lift our moods and decrease our stress. Schedule a regular video call with your friends, those in similar situations, or even meet new groups with shared interests. You can play cards, board games, role playing games, and practically any hobby you can imagine online. Dungeons and Dragons is a creative and immersive game that lends itself to all interests from fiction, scifi, fantasy, film, or anything you can imagine. You can join or create a campaign on Roll20 and other websites. 

• Create fun rituals together from fun activities or add community to humdrum daily rituals like cooking, eating, exercising, or choring together. Your routines can be with flatmates or friends online or over the phone.

The How To of Positive Psychology

by Kayleigh Roberts and Christine Harris

People commonly associate Positive Psychology with optimism and mind over matter. It is more complex and involved than saying or thinking “good thoughts”. Positive Psychology attempts to achieve happiness by doing: practicing gratitude, genuine self-examination, and self discipline.

We can use Positive Psychology to prioritize happiness in both the present and build strengths to fulfil personal goals for the future. To be successful involves consistent work everyday. 

There is an overload of negative messages in the news and media that can subconsciously cause us to shutdown or lose faith in people or the world. To challenge downtrodden views by sensationalist media is important. Realistically, the media tends to express extremist views that sell fear and insecurity. Think of reality television; a balanced view is considered boring, although pragmatism and stability are arguably more enjoyable. Changing the way you think, optimising what you do, and spending your time better create a path to happiness.

Set goals. Identify what you most want to change or improve in your life and create a goal to work towards achieving that purpose. Don’t stress, this does not have to be your life’s purpose. It can be simple or complex, and you can tweak it as you go.

Make room for ritual. Schedule daily and weekly activities to make yourself happy and for your personal well-being. Organise them at regular times throughout your day. Stick to these goals even if you don’t feel like it. Chances are you won’t feel like doing things, pleasurable or challenging, until you create a habit. It takes roughly a month to create a habit. It could be doing YouTube dance tutorials for 30 minutes every day (with breaks and modified as needed) and going to an Improv class once a week.
Say mantras. Repeat a phrase that you want to embody, you can tie it into your meditation practice, say it to yourself on your drive or in the shower, or for daily motivation. It’s important to identify a belief you want to change or a goal you want to accomplish; cater your mantra to you. For example, If you feel weak say I am strong. Breathing is easy. Exercising is easy. I love myself deeply. Using prompts like saying your mantra when you enter a doorway, see or hear someone laugh, see or hear an animal, or when you look at your phone will assist in staying on task, creating the habits and optimising your brain.

Exercise. Your mind and body are connected. Consistently dedicating 30 minutes of your day to light or moderate exercise has countless positive effects on your mood, body, mind, and stamina. Keep searching for a way to move that works for you. Don’t stress about your ability; focus on improving upon what you can do. Yes, some people go to the gym and deadlift 35 stone, but you can get strong increasing your reps of small barbells, swimming, yoga, dance, tai chi, or whatever interests you.

Express gratitude. Express what you are grateful for each day. Be grateful to yourself for working on self-improvement and prioritizing your happiness and well-being.

Learn to Fail Forward. Taking risks and failing make you a stronger person, now more capable to fight bigger battles. Playing it safe and striving to stay in your comfort zone is a commitment to failure. If you never muster up the courage to put yourself out there, you will definitely fail. If you strive and challenge yourself, you will experience some failure and some success. You will progress in a positive direction. You will be stronger, and who knows, you may live your dream. Don’t roll over because you are afraid of failure; roll the dice.

““[I]t’s not necessarily going to work out the way you want it to work out, but it is taking you forward, and you are leaving the nest. And that never can be a mistake—to fly instead of staying in the nest with all the poop and everything that’s in there.” ”

— Quote SoPema Chödrön, Fail, Fail Again, Fail Better: Wise Advice for Leaning into the Unknownurce

Build Your Strength. In your journal write down your main goals: what you want to focus on create, become, or what you want to heal or repair in your life. Make rituals, realistic daily goals, and set aside dedicated time to focus exclusively on those goals. Meditating when you wake up or light exercise before breakfast are excellent. Pair an activity with something you already do, like practicing mantras, quick exercises, or breathing exercises while you wait on the tea kettle. Be consistent. Organise these into a daily checklist and hang it where you will see, do, and check off your accomplishments everyday.

How Fear Manifests

by Kayleigh Roberts and Christine Harris

What if I told you it’s not your fault? That time you froze up instead of doing something, anything, was an automatic biological response outside of your conscious control?

It’s time to forgive yourself for unfavorable, fear based reactions, and move forward.

Guilt and shame are not serving you. Replace them and take control of your fears.

When we come from a place of compassion for ourselves and those around us, we are our best selves. Cutting ourselves down for our past traps us. To move forward we must forgive ourselves, and work to a better future.

How we react to negative people or situations usually comes about in a few different ways. When we face danger or perceived danger we respond with:

Fight- attack the conflict head on

Flight- run away, escape the situation

Freeze- shut down, pretend or believe this isn’t happening

Fight, flight or freeze turn out to be more complicated than previously thought, for humans anyway. 

In many ways this o’possum self defense methods allow us to excel and form stronger bonds and collaborate with new stimuli in our environment that could be perceived as a threat. However, freezing like fainting or passing out is not always safe or ideal. When exposed to trauma this is often the case. People’s body automatically freeze without making a conscious decision, thinking, or having a proper chat with your brain and body to double check that it’s a proper good idea.

Adverts and politicians use this method to scare people into buying into their products because they can’t afford not to!!! Fear overrides our nervous system, which encourages us to make rash actions rather than intelligent choices. Think about it. If someone is screaming or using fear-based arguments, do you think they really have your best interests at heart? Calm discussions may not be as overwhelmingly exciting as an infomercial, but they tend to present more sound, clear information.

Understanding more of the physiology of these responses will help us to calm our reactions as we’ll explain below.

Take the example of the freeze response. Our vagus nerve is a dual feedback loop.  The most major of the cranial nerves, the vagus nerve goes from the back of the brain down into all our major organs including the heart and stomach. This means that the brain is talking to our organs and our organs are talking back to the brain. Emergencies are felt by the heart and the stomach, for example, and then a signal is sent to the brain resulting in a freeze response.  

Rather than running or fighting constantly, ‘toning’ the vagus nerve via a breathing technique allows us to slow down and use diplomacy and conflict resolution. (Vagus Toning Technique:  Inhale for 4 counts and exhale for 6 counts...and repeat as much as you want.)

When we get scared, we breathe quickly, our senses heighten so the barely audible sound of a creaky floor can put us on edge. Pain intensifies and our hearing becomes sharp as a defense mechanism to escape predators, which is advantageous for survival in life-threatening situations. Sometimes our body gets mixed messages and overreacts when we aren’t in a dangerous situation, which causes problems and unnecessary oversensitivity to pain. Thankfully, we can practice breathing methods and calm our mind, body, and nervous system.

Let’s forgive ourselves for being duped by these tactics. Scare tactics are tried and true ways to get people off guard, making them susceptible to anything. Though it may make one feel daft to be bamboozled by such cons, it’s merely human nature. Once you understand why scare tactics are effective at achieving fear based reactions, you can learn to stay in control.

Turn Fear into Forgiveness. Forgiveness allows us to learn from our mistakes, or in some cases to forgive ourselves for situations outside of our control. We can accept and love ourselves, and move forward with a greater knowledge of why our mind and body react erratically under pressure. Focus on solving the problem by calming your nervous system through breathing and identifying patterns that cause this fear response. 

If you notice people around you are tearing people down rather than building them up, it’s time to do some soul searching and set clear boundaries to create a better environment for yourself.

Hacks for rewiring your brain:

Breathing

Meditation

Yoga

Breathe when you get angry or upset to calm your mind and body and to make better rational decisions.

Build Your Strength 

Practice the Vagus Toning Technique. Do this 10 times each day. You can do it when you wake up, make breakfast, get into a car, before bed. The key is to find a cue to prompt you to practice, which could be grabbing your keys to leave the house!

Make Friends with Anxiety

by Kayleigh Roberts and Christine Harris

This is a sort of ‘tongue in cheek’ article on anxiety in all of its shapes and sizes.  I hope you enjoy this review of the subject. So let's get to know anxiety. Let’s have a cup of tea with it and ask it a few questions.

Anxiety Profile

Pros: Outstanding in small doses, protective in immediate threatening situations, a procrastinator's best friend

Biggest Flaw: Destructive/damaging in long-term relationships, worry wort, tries really hard to be helpful and keep everyone safe but mostly just nags

Hobbies include: Hyperventilating, overthinking, pacing, insomnia, getting things done, and freaking out

Anxiety is brilliant at overreacting and misinterpreting situations. Most people's parents teach them not to trust the world. They move around with a distrust of the world and all of the things and people in it because they fear something hurting their baby and their duty is to protect. They are guarded because something might happen, not because something will happen or is even necessarily probable. It's true that there are endless possibilities. What we overlook is the question of whether or not this fear is actually helping us. If the answer is no, move on and focus on something you can do right now. If you feel helpless, that's okay too; sometimes all we can do is keep breathing.

Society has evolved faster than the human brain. Relative to the previous 200,000 years of human history we have had a dramatic environmental change in the past 500 years. We live in systems that value delayed returns over immediate returns. Previously the system was very direct and immediate: I am hungry, I forage or hunt food. 

I Feel:

Worry (anticipating fear)

I see a badger and worry the badger will eat me. I will quickly get away from the badger and avoid it’s territory.

Anxiety (anticipating an event and attempting to prevent it from causing me discomfort)

I feel the cold of winter approaching and anticipate that there will be less crops, forage, or badgers to eat. I will move to where it is warmer and follow the game and vegetation.

Stress (uncomfortable body sensation)

I feel hungry, stressed, and irritated. I will forage and maybe eat a badger. 

Anxiety is great for short-term problem solving. Procrastinators know this and rely on the ‘rush’ that comes from it to get things done. Break down your long-term problems into short term action items.

In the circus industry there is a rule: Hesitation is Death. Any small worry or distraction misses the beat of the moment, and you fall. You fall not because you didn't spend enough time diligently worrying, but because you thought you might fall. You fall because you weren't there. You fall because you fell into your head and ran around in circles. The best way to prevent danger is through action, not thought. Check the rigging, practice, and focus.

Anxiety creates loops. Loops are tangled delusional realities. Remember thought loops are just that. They are not real nor productive. Anxiety loops do not predict the future or protect you from it. If you feel anxious, do something that you can do right now. If you are anxious that your grandmother is coming over, and boy is the apartment a mess; do the dishes. Thinking about it isn’t doing anything about it, so don’t bother tormenting yourself.

HALT! : Are you hungry, angry, lonely, or tired?

Ask yourself how you are feeling at this moment and tackle the problem at hand. If the problem is in anticipation of something in the future; that isn’t currently affecting you, create an action plan. If you feel anxious, but don’t know what to do for it now, make physical or mental lists of things to help you relax or build strength.

When you feel anxious and experience looping thoughts ask yourself: Does worrying keep me safe? Probably not. Can you drop it? Do you want to let it go? Do you want to hold onto something that is not bringing you the results or serving your best interests? What do you get from holding on to anxiety? When you're ready: breathe in, breathe out, let it go. Do not try to hold on if it is destroying you. You're better than that, and you deserve better.

What it boils down to is that anxiety and fear are about self-preservation. It is an illusion that anxiety and fear will protect you in the future.

The problem isn't anxiety; we're using anxiety wrong. Anxiety is only useful to protect you in the present moment - in the reality of the present situation. If you feel parched or are dehydrated, anxiety can motivate you to drink water, but it won't lead you to the well. It will lead you in circles of self-doubt wondering if there is or isn't a well. And what if there's something wrong with the well? What should I say if I run into Nigel on the way to the well? STOP. Drink a glass of water. Do not use anxiety as a roadmap; use it to get something done right now.

Anxiety parades as a future defense, but the truth is it doesn't know how or what the future holds. Anxiety can be a good motivation tool short-term, but anxiety is a terrible long-term lover.

Build Your Strength 

Create a list of action items you can do if you feel anxious. It may look like this:

Journal by writing about what and how you are feeling. 

Observe what is happening right now. Write it down and look to identify patterns.

Meditate by breathing in deep and slowly, releasing all the air, then doing it again.

Read a chapter of a book that interests you. Get lost in it.

Exercise in any way that feels good to you. Do a silly dance!