by Kayleigh Roberts and Christine Harris
Moving to a new country can be both exciting and difficult. Unfortunately, not everything about the process is sugar, spice, and everything nice. Sometimes, you’ll have to deal with situations where your only option is to accept the road before you.
When we fight the drama, the change, how others are reacting to us or our situations, we need to be very mindful. Are we able to accept what is outside of our control? Here are some thoughts to help you consider the subject of acceptance.
Understanding what acceptance is
Acceptance doesn’t mean accepting defeat. It’s not an endorsement of what you find problematic. We can accept something without thinking it is “okay”. Acceptance is about being aware. It is about acknowledging reality. When we accept reality for what it is, we can work with instead of against it.
Acceptance acknowledges what is: what is happening? What is really going on? What is the reality of this situation? How you feel about what’s going on in reality doesn’t change the fact that reality is how it is. Ignoring something won’t make it go away. Paying attention to what’s really happening around us, and accepting the situation for what it is, is the first step to making it better.
When we try to change something that we pretend is not happening or isn’t an issue, we leave ourselves feeling guilt, shame, helplessness, suffering, and frustration. Feeling bad doesn’t resolve the issue. These punishing feelings do nothing but stand in our way of addressing the source of our frustrations.
Embracing acceptance
We need to be real with ourselves and accept what is going on both within and around us. We also need to ask ourselves “What Else is Happening?” Observe everything that’s happening instead of only fixating on a single event. Understand why this is happening.
Identify the Problem - What’s Wrong?
Identify the Solution - What do you want to happen?
If the solution involves wanting a change of scenery, waiting for a person, a situation, or even the weather to change, don’t hold your breath.
It’s outside of your control.
It isn’t personal that the weather is indifferent to your demands or that people do, act, and are how they are, but there are other ways to respond.
What can you do?
Accept people for who they are, even if you think they could be better. You can’t make them change by sheer force of will, nagging, doing the work for them, telling them how infuriated you are with them, or through magic. They can change for themselves if they so choose, but you cannot create that change for them.
You must also acknowledge that they may never change. The situation may remain the same. Do you want to continue doing what you are doing in the same way if the situation will remain the same?
Observe where you fit into the situation. Does pushing or “wanting” things to change get your way? If it’s a waste of your energy, perhaps it’s best to stop, redirect, and spend your time doing something you enjoy for yourself.
Change Your Reaction
Be more aware, helpful, compassionate, or accepting. You are going through a lifetime of changes, all at once, and it’s good to stay in control of your emotions. Acknowledge and accept them. Consistent problems are easy to work around when you accept them because you know what to expect and how to work around them. Let go of the need to control for things that are outside of your control, such as the traffic in a big city. Just allowing others the space to make their own decisions is liberating.
Choose How You Engage with the Situation.
You can decide if you want to stay and work around the way it is, or if you want to leave the situation altogether. Only you can decide if you want to stay, or if you want to leave the situation altogether
We get into trouble when we see everything from a place of wanting, whether it’s:
Wanting to change someone
Wanting the situation to be different
Wanting to feel differently
Wanting to numb painful feelings
Wanting other people to change
Wanting other people to feel how you feel
It all has the same result in that it keeps you waiting for something that will never happen.
We can choose to look at any situation from a place of:
Love
Gratitude Compassion
Acceptance
Do you need more resources to help you embrace acceptance in your life?
It’s okay to need more time, need more resources, and need guidance to find calm within yourself, even if that involves a therapist, like me. It’s always better to seek help sooner than later. Counseling can help ease the transition to a more positive mindset.
Food for thought
The next time you’re feeling pain or an uncomfortable feeling try to sit with it. Question how you are feeling. Look at the situation objectively.
Finally, ask yourself: Can I change this?
If Yes - Summon your courage to Change It, or Accept that it is your Choice to continue as you have been.
If No - Accept it!
Acceptance doesn’t mean accepting defeat. It just means that you understand that you cannot control your environment down to the nitty-gritty and that in itself is liberating.
